Fear is a mysterious thing. When it comes down to it what is it that I am actually afraid of. Since my split with my ex wife over a year ago. For me personally it is wondering if I missed out on love and the regret that we both didn't work harder to keep love. Also, I think I have a fear of success and that it stems from me chasing happiness.
What is happiness? For me it is being loved, giving love and pursuing my dreams to the fullest. Right now I am making the most money ever, but I feel so empty, so grey and just defeated.
I have hope, I have faith, and I believe that good things are being put into my life. I just wish my life was a little brighter at the moment. I am dreading seeing my ex on Friday. At times I miss her and our life together. I wish it was better, I wish I were better, and I wish we didn't let our love for each other fall apart. It happened, its over, and I need to move on. Easier said than done sometimes.
My room right now is a whitish grey as the dark room fills with early morning light. The warmth of coffee is my only comfort. I often feel like I am fooling myself. It is hard to describe.
Maybe I am fake and the fear is real. Who knows?
